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Why they'll never let me write Spider-Man, Part 4: Banner

2/13/2015

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Picture
A sarcastic Spider-Man conversing with Bruce Banner without somehow bringing out the Hulk? This'll end well, right Marvel Cinematic Universe? (Editorial note: If anyone knows who created the art I've posted here, let me know--I want to credit them!) 

Spider-Man: "Doctor Banner?" 
Banner: "Please, call me Bruce."
Spider-Man: "Okay, Doc. Br. Bruuuce. So I was thinking--we have a lot in common." 
Banner: "This I've gotta hear." 
Spider-Man: "Seriously. We're both scientific geniuses who are better known and pretty maligned for our more colorful, less scientific public personas." 
Banner: "I'm maligned. You have a PR proble--wait, you're a scientific genius?" 
Spider-Man: "I am indeedy." 
Banner: "What have you invented?" 
Spider-Man: "I made these web-shooters." 
Banner: "Not exactly a gamma bomb." 
Spider-Man: "I wouldn't use that as a barometer for success. No offense." 
Banner: "You know making me angry is a bad idea, right? You've been informed about the anger thing?" 
Spider-Man: "Yeah, Tony was kind of clear about that. But seriously, you don't think these web-shooters are a work of genius? I mean seriously, look at them--"
PHTTTTHT. 
Spider-Man: "Oops. Um. Sorry about your face?" 
Banner: "I said... don't make... me angry..." 
Spider-Man: "Why are all the veins sticking out in your head?" 
Banner: "RAAAAARGH!" 
Spider-Man: "I HAVE MADE A MISTAKE!" 



(To be continued, clearly)

‪#‎whytheyllneverletmewritespiderman‬


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    Matthew Phillion is the writer of "The Indestructibles," part-time actor, occasional filmmaker. Currently on the lam in Salem with his trusty dog, Watson. 

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