Why they'll never let me write Spider-Man, Part 6: Fury (ous anger)

After upsetting more than half the Avengers squad, Nick Fury has a little sit down with Marvel Cinematic Universe Spider-Man. Things go about as well as can be imagined. 

Nick Fury: "I hear you resolved the Hulk situation."
Spider-Man: "Apparently Hulk loves salted caramel ice cream. Who knew?"
Fury: "I also understand you sparked the Hulk situation." 
Spider-Man: "I have no recollection of this event." 
Fury: "You have, in your first day as an Avenger, annoyed Iron Man--" 
Spider-Man: "How was I supposed to know he was sensitive about his age?" 
Fury: "STOP. TALKING." 
Spider-Man: "Stopping." 
Fury: "You insulted Thor..." 
Spider-Man: "Again, someone could've told me Loki was his brother. Should I assume all Asgardians are related going forward?" 
Fury: "You are TALKING again!" 
Spider-Man: "What?" 
Fury: "Say what one more time." 
Spider-Man: "What one more time." 
Fury: "... I can't do this. Fury to Hill? I want this [expletive] spider off my [expletive] helicarrier." 
Spider-Man: "It's my first day!" 
Fury: "We're done talking." 
Spider-Man: "Am I fired? Because I was really hoping to use the SHIELD insurance policy. Frequently." 
‪#‎whytheyllneverletmewritespiderman‬

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