After upsetting more than half the Avengers squad, Nick Fury has a little sit down with Marvel Cinematic Universe Spider-Man. Things go about as well as can be imagined.
Nick Fury: "I hear you resolved the Hulk situation."
Spider-Man: "Apparently Hulk loves salted caramel ice cream. Who knew?"
Fury: "I also understand you sparked the Hulk situation."
Spider-Man: "I have no recollection of this event."
Fury: "You have, in your first day as an Avenger, annoyed Iron Man--"
Spider-Man: "How was I supposed to know he was sensitive about his age?"
Fury: "STOP. TALKING."
Fury: "You insulted Thor..."
Spider-Man: "Again, someone could've told me Loki was his brother. Should I assume all Asgardians are related going forward?"
Fury: "You are TALKING again!"
Fury: "Say what one more time."
Spider-Man: "What one more time."
Fury: "... I can't do this. Fury to Hill? I want this [expletive] spider off my [expletive] helicarrier."
Spider-Man: "It's my first day!"
Fury: "We're done talking."
Spider-Man: "Am I fired? Because I was really hoping to use the SHIELD insurance policy. Frequently."
Matthew Phillion is the writer of "The Indestructibles," part-time actor, occasional filmmaker. Currently on the lam in Salem with his trusty dog, Watson.